A Run For Elected Office? Maybe. . .

So, out of the blue I get a Facebook message from a school friend of mine.  She has been involved in several community organizations in the past and I've literally known her for 20 years.  Not sure if she's been reading the blog or not but she sends me this message and it reads:

"Still waiting for you to run for office-you would be great for the community and have got what it takes, we'd love to help!"

Now, we don't talk a lot, but I did send her a message a month or so back asking her a few questions about a business idea I had.  I'm not sure if it was the business questions I had for her or if something sparked in her mind about me, but it certainly got my brain going, even if it was just for kicks.  After a little bit of thought and letting the idea roll around in my head, I politely messaged her back and let her know that although I was flattered, that I probably had to many skeletons in my closet to run for any type of elected office. Her response:

Bankruptcy, affairs, financial crimes, unpaid taxes--these are the things that keep you out of the running and I don't think apply to your closet. You have the most important piece of the puzzle, name and face recognition. If you want to think about it or explore the options locally or in the state legislature let me know!! Come on bro, do it for the children. . .

Well, I can certainly check off the first four items on the list.  None of those apply to me. Truth be told, it's always been something I've been interested in. From middle school on, I was always involved in school politics.  I was student council president my senior year of high school, and have held the highest position in every group I've ever been involved in; whether it was Boy Scouts, other school organizations or as a member of Kappa Sigma fraternity at WSU. I was a political science major in college before switching to secondary education, but my emphasis was in history, speech and debate. Politics, local office. .  .the idea has always been there.

For the last year, it seem like I've been in a rut.  If you read the blog regularly, you're probably at least a little bit familiar with my plight and droll of life in the suburbs.  One of the main reasons for writing the blog was to have an outlet for everyday occurrences that I saw, that either puzzled me or that I found comical. I suppose change can come about through writing, but it would seem much easier to make changes through action? Is running for elected office that action which can bring about change?

Another good friend of mine, whom I haven't seen in at least 15 years, but who I keep in touch with through email and social media, has also sent me a few messages lately urging me to get out there and find that outlet that seems to be missing in my life.  Is politics the answer?  City politics? State government? School board? maybe something else. I see a lot of problems in society, and I have to say that I have opinions one way or another on all of them.  I'm not sure my ideas are correct or even noteworthy, but maybe others would?

Food for thought. My brain is clicking now.  The process has begun.  What do you think?

WE SURVIVED!

Wow, that was a long weekend. Whew. I mean whew. Worked all day Saturday then busted to the pizza joint to grab the eats for my oldest kid's birthday party, then it was home to start what has become an annual ritual at the Jabara household.  The all girl birthday party sleep over. Between family and kids we had a full house of 25 people. It a picture perfect example of suburban life. Kids, parents, grandparents and friends. From the moment people started showing up until the last one fell asleep, it was non stop chaos, but in a good way. First up is pizza and Kool-aid, then get them washed up and send them downstairs to play. We get all of that cleaned up, then the kids are back up stairs to start the project. Cookie decorating (5 different shapes) with a variety of different types of sprinkles and several different colors of homemade icing. For every party there's always something new. Shoe decorating, colored sand in jars, canvas painting. It's like your neighbor's yard and it's always a competition to see who can do better or come up with the next best activity for a kids party. The wife came up with this and it went great. Every kid got to decorate 3 cookies, then they washed up again and went back down stairs. It's simply amazing how much stuff 8 year olds can get all over them selves.  I don't do the laundry because, well, I don't do the laundry, but it always seems never ending. Anyway, then it was back up stairs for presents and cake and ice cream. Whew, I'm exhausted already and we're only half way there.

We get done with the ceremonial opening of the presents and in my mind I'm telling myself that I'm going to need to get my kid another room just to store all this stuff. When did we become so intertwined with possessions as a society? If you don't have the right Barbie or American girl doll. . . .well. . . .we should just not talk of such things. The wife and I really wanted to put "please no presents" on the invitation, but then someone would bring one and then someone else would feel left out. The one thing our kid doesn't need is more stuff. So after presents are done the relatives and the kids who aren't staying the night are all gone.  Now it's just the 10 kids sleeping over (this thankfully counts my 2 as well) and my lady troop of trusty captains. My wife, my brother in laws girlfriend, and my wife's cousin's oldest kid (yeah the tree don't fork on her side) are locked in and ready to battle this all girl sleepover army. While I'm downstairs creating fort sleep area in the basement and getting the movie ready, my army is battling 7 and 8 year olds as each one gets her nails done and hair did! I've never been in the military before but i can only imagine what it would be like to peel potatoes all day long; it would be better then watching what they were doing upstairs. Daddy stays as far away from makeup, hair and nails as he can.  I know that I have two girls, but a guy has to have his boundaries right? Everyone is now all done up, and in their PJ's, so its now Mr. Popper's Penguin's time. 3 spilled drinks and 8 bags of popcorn later and they're ready for bed.

I think they finally all conked out around midnight which was good except they were back up again at 6:30am!!! Where do they get the energy? Does that make me old? I stay up late, and wake up early, but I'm always tired. These kids. . . sleep just doesn't faze them yet. It's like they all stashed coffee in their pillows and just slept with it all night. As soon as I hear them up and around, I grab my workout clothes, and as quick as I can, I'm out the door to go "work out". By workout, that means walk around the neighborhood long enough to make it seem like I did something.  All the while I was just getting out of the house for a while. 10 bright eyed and bushy tailed 8 year olds is to much for me to handle. By the time i get back, half have already been picked up.  The other half get picked up soon enough and with each parent who comes to the door to get their kid, I get a wink or a smile or a nod. A common signal of thanks and approval. An "atta boy", and a "thanks, I owe you one" from each grateful parent who got to drop their kid off for a free Saturday night out on the town.  They didn't say so, but I could tell a few of those parents had a pretty good time on their free night out.

That's what it's all about though right.  The wife and I watch 8 kids for the night, and at some point that favor should be returned. Right?  We should, by the covenant laws of our sub-division, be granted 8 free nights out on the town for every night we watch 8 kids? We dump our kids off and away we go.  The problem though, is that we haven't gotten that favor returned? Must have sucker written all over our forehead's. Maybe next year we forgo the sleepover and just go the pony route?  How hard can that be? A pony versus ten, 8 year olds?  I'll take pony raising for $500 any time.

Picks And A Party

So it's Friday and that usually means sports, except this weekend, where it's about everything but sports.  At some point, we'll really delve into the sports scene, but there's just too much going on this weekend.  From now until the end of the day on Sunday night, it's full on super dad time. I know everyone needs their sports picks for the weekend though, so let's get that out of the way, and then we'll move on to the important stuff.

 

College Football Picks:

 

Georgia Tech -14: sorry everyone but Miami is horrible and playing at GT, with the triple option will be two much for the Canes to handle.

 

Georgia -15: I like Georgia to win the SEC east and make a big run, and Vandy is in the same spot as Miami is in. Bad teams, who are worse on the road, don't do well and Vandy can't cover here.

 

Kansas State +15: Yeah i know they got waxed last year in Manhattan, but this is a new year and the KSU defense looks good.  OU is a great team, but haven't played anyone yet this year.  Take this game with caution, but still that's a lot of points. 

 

San Jose State +3: SJST is the road team here, but should be able to handle SDST. Might have a WTF in this situation.

 

NFL Games:

Tampa Bay +7: 7 is a lot of points in the NFL, and the Cowboys haven't impressed me.  Tampa Bay should be 2-0, but proceed with caution. 

 

San Fransisco -7: Until proven otherwise, they're the best team in the NFL and should be treated as such.

 

New Orleans -9: Opposite of SF, keep betting against KC until they prove they can cover.

 

Pittsburgh -4: Oakland is horrid. Nuff said.

 

The Weekend Game:

Big weekend plans. Big, big, weekend plans. I get off at 5:30 tonight, then it's off to the gym. Gotta work the arms for all the fawning super mom's on the block, and I  have to make sure I'm looking good for all the ladies coming over tomorrow. Also, I have to get the lawn mowed tonight and the house picked up.  Then it's back to work all day tomorrow before getting off at 5:30 again; then the fun starts.  After racing to the pizza shop tomorrow night to pick up food for 20, I have to get home and get cleaned up before the guests arrive.  By guests i mean up to 20 kids, ages 4-9, and mostly girls, who are coming over to our house for a birthday party.  My oldest daughter turned 8 yesterday which means we are officially into sleep over mode at the Jabara household. For all my buddies whose kids are coming, that means they get a free night with the spouse? Will they return the favor? Probably not. So the itinerary for the evening is as follows: pizza, cookie decorating, presents, cookie eating, popcorn and movie, crying, bed, more crying, and then hopefully we've gotten to the next morning. Things should be ok as long as the wife promises to hold my hand. I have 3 girls in the house on a regular basis, so what's another 10?

 

After all the kids are picked up, hopefully by 10:30, it's over to my brother's house for his son's birthday party at 11:30. Probably a few less people there, but still lot's of presents and hopefully more cake, cause my fat ass always needs cake. Then it's shuttling off the oldest to church classes at 1:00 and taking the youngest to get her "fish" because having just 1 fish in the house isn't fair. Pick the oldest up from church at 4:00 then home to get cleaned up for her birthday dinner with the grandparents at 6:00pm at Red Lobster. Yeah, I know the foods not great, but the kids seem to like it, and between the cheesy rolls and popcorn shrimp, they actually eat their food there.  It's her birthday and she'll get what she wants. Eat dinner, get home, relieve myself of dinner, then homework, baths, reading time, and finally bed. Like I said, no time for football this weekend, but that's ok. The kid only has 1 birthday a year, so might as well make it special each year. It's all worth it in the end.

 



Blah. . . Read At Your Own Risk.

Free day huh?  Write whatever I want to write about? Easier said then done as far as I'm concerned. I wanted to write. I wanted to have a great idea that I could expand upon, but I think great ideas are far and few between.  I think I came up with a really good idea on Monday night, sometime between beer 12 and 15, maybe on the way to or the way back from Kirby's Beer Store, but I'm not really sure. Part of that night is kind of a blur.  If I did have a great idea, and I told you about it Monday night, please don't steal it from me.  Hopefully the idea will come back to me again here soon and I can roll with it then. In the mean time I'll try and do my best, because great ideas don't grow on trees.

I think the main difference between those of us stuck out in the burbs, and the movers and shakers of the world, is the ability to make the dream come to fruition. Dreams and ideas are pretty similar.  Goals, plans, and the success of those goals and plans, the culmination of the dream, is something totally different.  When I was in high school and throughout college, I used to teach leadership to high school students.  It was all about dreams, goals, team building, success visions, and a variety of other aspects involved in reaching for the stars. I taught at camps in Colorado and New York. I taught on colleges campus', and in high school classrooms. For a long, long time, I believed what I was teaching. I still do, it just seems much harder to attain then it did. The older you get, the tougher life gets.  Looking back, high school, college: easy stuff. The friends I made at those camps, some of my best friends in the world to this day.  The kids, maybe we didn't change any lives forever, but maybe we made a difference, maybe we helped out just a little bit. Those were special times though, and eventually you just start to move on. The plan must eventually start to take effect.

Graduate college. Get your first "grown up" job. Marry your high school sweetheart. Move to a big city. Get a dog.  Have your first child. Come back home to the family business. Have a second child. Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, and check. It's all going according to plan, but is the plan right? I joke about living in the burbs, and all the fun and games we have poking at "suburbanites", but in the end, I'm one of them. That's the whole point of the blog and the rant tonight. I live in suburbia with my wife, my two kids, and my mortgage. I love my wife. My kids, they drive me nuts every day, but I'd rather die before I ever let them get hurt in any way or ever let them down. Adults have to provide and protect, and as the man of the house, it's my job to make sure my family is ok at all times. But that's when the routine sets in, and once the routine sets in, well, that's when you start a blog to make fun of it. It's an outlet. A way to blow off steam. Today's just wasn't funny.

Booze, Balls, and Buffalo Wings. . . With a Side of Mustache

Blogging: I thought it would be easy. Boy was I wrong.   How could it be that hard though? Simply set aside some time each day, and type away at the computer. I've got lot's to say about a myriad of different topics, and this should be the perfect forum for it. If people like what i have to say, they can read along; if they don't then they don't have to read.  The best part is that either way, i get to write what i think and feel. The problem is that i haven't been writing consistently and I need to get my butt in gear. The last post was Sunday night and its already Wednesday. Where does the time go and why can't i find just a little bit more of it to share what's happened the last couple of days? The last few posts should have been on food, drink, or the world around me (politics, environment, philosophy, etc.). Today's topic is entertainment, but there doesn't seem to be to much out there right now. Lindsay Lohan gets in another car wreck, and Kappa Sigma loses one of its own to the chapter celestial in NFL films' Steve Sabol, but other then that its pretty bleak out there. I think I'll combine Monday and Tuesday's topic's into today's read by what can only be described as total debauchery Monday and Monday night.

So Monday afternoon was the 9th Annual Field House Golf tournament.  The Field House is one of our local college bars (of the two), and if you've never been there you should: it's small, it's unique to say the least, and its ours.  Its the first bar i snuck into when i was in college, and it's still the same one i belly up to at night when the old lady let's me off the leash for a few hours.  That being said, although neither the bar nor my house has gotten any farther away, i have gotten older, so making the trek into the city each night from the burbs seems to get longer and longer, and harder and harder to make. But i digress. I play in the tournament every year. The tournament is always for a good charity and it's always a fun time. I play with the same 3 guys every year. It's something we look forward to every year.  We see each other quite a bit, but this is a little different. For us it's an event, not a normal occurrence, and should be treated as such. We never win, but we have lot's of fun and this year was no different. You start drinking at noon, and you finish drinking when you can't drink any longer. I made it to about 1am this year, and some year it was.

Booze
So let's start with the first "B" of the day; booze. normally I'd beer snob it up for most special outings. A nice IPA or maybe a newly bottled Octoberfest? Not for this tournament. I'm off the leash, and It's round after round of the freshest and coldest name brand beer they can find. I'm a Miller Lite man myself, and they didn't let me down. There a $1 a can and we drink as many as they can hand out. The more you drink, the better looking the cart girls look. The more I drink, the better my left handed crap golf game tends to look.  And not to get off topic, but golf is a stupid game, designed by ridiculous, rich,  right-handed white people in order to. . . .enough of that.  When the tournaments over, we head back to the Field House for prizes and awards that we're certainly not going to win, and for more drinks. No beer switching allowed. It's weird, because in the burbs' every guy i know has a mini fridge filled with beer. Some exotic, some just regular ol' Bud Light, but every guy has a mini fridge. Why? Why is our beer either regulated to it's own fridge away from the kids' milk and juice boxes or the old lady's diet soda's? Either that or every guy in the burbs tries to out due the other guy with the largest mini fridge, or separate "beer only" garage fridge. We're all apes guys, and we're just trying to out pound our chests over the other guys. Beer fridges' is just another way of doing it. Anyway, we drank it all and it showed later on.

Balls

I touched on it a bit earlier, and i won't spend a lot of time on it, but golf is dumb. It's really dumb for us lefties. Growing up, I had no interest in the game. Never really learned it, but at some point, it just became something i was supposed to do. Live in the burbs' = golf. Not a lot. Not country club, Ty Webb/Judge Smails type of golfing. We're talking cut off shorts, hack away, curse, break clubs, drink beer, and pretend you know what you're doing golfing. I've gotten better each year, because I'm playing more and more. Get older, play more golf. From time to time, I get to call 4 hours away from home a "business trip" or "charity event" and it gets me a little leeway. This tournament would fall into the "charity event" category. We started off well this year to. Usually we hack away and try and finish before we're to drunk to drive a golf cart, but this year we came to play. 4 under after 5 holes and looking good. Then the wheels fell off. A few shots here's, a couple more beers there, then its goodbye golf shot and hello mister course warden. We managed to not get kicked off, but i think that's mainly because our cart was to fast and we were to slippery to be apprehended by said course warden. He's like 90 and were weren't going down without a fight. Suffice it to say, no prizes for us again this year. Maybe next year we'll really try. . . .who am i kidding right?

Buffalo Wings
So we've been drinking since noon and it's about 7pm at this point.  The tournament's over and we're all back at the watering hole for prizes. There's a hundred guys and gals packed into this bar and we've all got 7 good hours of liquid time in us.  They start handing out the prizes, but i pay no attention, all i can see is wings. Tables full of beautiful buffalo wings, and they look beautiful. They usually do BBQ beef and some beans and potato salad, which is nice, but it bears no resemblance to the glory that is the buffalo wing. Where beer is our wine in suburbia, wings are our bread, and i bow down to both. Every football game deserves them, and MNF on the big screen and a good round of golf down the hatch, it was time to feast. Parmesan garlic, Spicy Garlic, mild, medium, hot, and 3 mile island: they had it all. Guy after guy lined up, heaping plate after heaping plate of glorious wings. Talking stopped, gorging commenced, and there wasn't a safe arm in the house. Gallons of blue cheese and ranch, sopping up every tender morsel of fat and meat one could stomach. I ate what seemed like 20 and probably could have eaten 20 more, until and idea was hatched at the table. "Let's Leave", said a buddy of mine. To where? To do what i thought? "Let's go down the street to Kirby's and catch this band", he said. A plan was hatched.

Side Of Mustache'
First, let me say that everyone got home safely. Everyone love's having fun, but I'm a grown ass man with kids, a wife and a mortgage. I gots' responsibilities yo, and with all the fun we have, still have to get home in 1 piece. Second, the booze, balls, and buffalo wings all made for a really great time. I'm glad the wife is so understanding when i have days like this, but we look forward to the tournament every year and it was a lot of fun. Thanks to the Field House for putting it on. Third, a big shout out to my buddy Antimosity. He's a local musician here in Wichita and he's been holding it down for a while now. He's always good, but I've seen his show before and i grew up with the guy.  This however was a pleasant surprise. I'll set it up, then you'll get the rest. We walk a block or so down to Kiby's which is the 2nd of only two bars located near our college campus. It seats no more then 20 maximum, and even with the new patio they put on it, its as small and dive bar like as they get.  It's also a local and national institution.  If you start a band, and you're going to play somewhere, you start and finish at Kirby's. The rest is just talk, but Andy D, he was the pleasant surprise of the evening:

Life, It's a Hellava Drug

I know i missed yesterday, but it was a pretty busy day. Worked all day then had a fraternity poker game over at the chapter house.  The chapter is always a struggle and even though their trying, it just doesn't seem to be coming together.  Not that the alumni were helping out much; we had well over 20 rsvp's for the poker party and only around 10 guys showed up.  Oh well.  I put a lot of time and effort into the chapter, both as an active and as an alumni. I'm wasn't in charge of the poker party and didn't let the low numbers get me down.  I had a real good time playing card with the guys who did show up and caught up with some good brothers. As an added bonus, i won the poker tournament, so that was an easy extra chunk of change back in my pocket.

As for the recap of the rest of the week, its kind of all laid out there in each of my posts.  I think instead of using each day to recap something that just happened, that maybe I'll use whatever that days designation is a starting point to begin the subject and not necessarily something that just happened. Either way, since I've already talked about each day, i might as well focus on today. Today was football Sunday, but since the Chiefs suck, we decided to take the kids to the Kansas state fair.  It was the last day of the fair and the kids love to go.  Since the chiefs game was a blowout, we made a good effort with the kids to sow them a good time.  I don't know if you've ever been to a fair before, but i am sure most state fairs around the country are pretty much the same.  It's a great mix of city and country folk, and it is by far the best people watching there is.

For me, i have a routine.  Like everything else, from when i go to the mall, to going to the zoo, i pretty much have to do everything in the same order each time.  The fair is no different. We go in the same gate, do the same thing first and always finish up with the same thing at the end. We always start with the animals: pigs, cows, sheep, rabbits, birds. The kids love the animals and we love the smell? The best is the bird house. My wife is petrified of birds and its filled with pigeons, ducks, geese, chickens, turkeys. The kids have to go up and down each aisle, and there's the wife: arms at here side, keeping a keen eye on every bird in every cage making sure that none attack here. The other thing we can always count on when seeing the animals is that I'll always scare her in the bird house. This year was no exception and her scream and jump never gets old. This year's bonus while in the animal area: a baby cow being born. Absolutely discusting, but its the cycle of life and the kids loved it.  The more blood and goo for them the better.

Then its off to the other buildings, we go see the art entries from across the state, the prize winning vegetables and largest pumpkin, and the butter sculpture. I didn't really get this year's butter piece but its 1000 lbs of something and its all made of butter.  Only in Kansas. We ride the train around the fair, and then its off to do some fair style eating. They fry anything and everything at the fair and we tried to get a piece of all of it. This year's delicacies we enjoyed were roasted corn on the cob, a smoked turkey leg, fried pretzel niblets, and homemade, freshly squeezed cherry limeade.  My diets been going good but this ruined it all and i loved every bit of it. So we're done eating, filled to the brim, but if we don't get these kids to the midway for some rides, they'll have our heads.

This is where we get to the good stuff: the midway. Carney central. Rides and rides, and more rides. And on every side of the rides are games and games, and more games. It's the people though who are the real entertainment.  Like i said before, the state fair, at least in Kansas, truly brings people of all backgrounds together to create one large melting pot of sweat, smoke, tattoo's, and the gnarliest bits you've ever seen.  They had a special on the last day for the kids: it was all you can ride for $25 and we made sure the kids got our money's worth.  The best part was that every time the kids got on a ride, i got to watch the people. If i had a penny, not a nickel or a quarter, but a penny, for every missing tooth, badly drawn tattoo or pair of coochie cutter shorts, I'd be a billionaire. Not a millionaire, a billionaire. I should have been a dentist. I could set up shop at the state fair, work 1 week a year, and roll in the cash.

The kids rode the rides and when they finally got their fill, it was on to the games.  Their way over priced, you can't win at any of them, but if i didn't shell out at least 20 bucks, i would be the "worst" father ever, and the fair would have been a total let down in the eyes of my kids. After entry, foods, rides, and all the knick-knacks, I'm in for over a bill already, so what's another $20? Well, wouldn't you know. A cool $20 down the drain and along with all the pamphlets, magnets and crap the kids have already picked up, I've now got a giant blow up hammer and dolphin that both squeak and two freakin' goldfish. We haven't won a prize worth squat in years and now we hit the mother load. Its late and we have to get these kids to bed. We drive back and after i get done writing this, i have to make a middle of the night trip to Walmart for a fish tank cause according to one tooth willie, these fish won't make it through the night if i don't. After such a great time at the fair, and me being father of the year at this point, i can't have dead fish on my hands when the darlings wake up in the morning. Wish me luck, life, it's a helluva drug.

My Favorite Sport is. . .Sport

So, we're in week 2 of NFL football and week 3 of NCAA football.  MLB baseball is coming to a close with the playoffs beginning in just a little over 3 weeks, and before you know it, college basketball and the NBA will start up again.  With the summer winding down, so do my summer free days of fishing for trout, hiking in the mountains and camping in the woods. Pretty soon deer, turkey, pheasant and quail seasons will be upon us and the hunting will be abundant.  Fall is gearing up, and my favorite time of year is now.  There will be plenty of time later on to talk hunting and fishing, so I'd really like to concentrate on sports rather then activities for this entry. As I've said before, I don't really consider myself and athlete, but I like to watch sports like a motha. If it includes balls of any shape, I'm on it. I like sports so much that i know what that last sentence says and i still don't care. My favorite suburban sport? You guessed it, fantasy sports. From a movie that seems to get better and better the more times I watch it: Step Brothers.

Nancy: "So what have you been working on recenlty Dale?."

Dale: "I manage a baseball team."

Nancy: "Oh, little league?"

Dale: "Fantasy league."

It's that important, sometimes full time job. Between my baseball teams, basketball teams, football teams and myriad of tournament pick em's, knockout leagues, golf pools, and other tournament pools for everything from the NCAA tournament to the Kentucky Derby, living for sports via computer is my athletic activity for most of the year. For most of us in the burbs, old man softball D league, outside barbecue bags, and the occasional round of golf is athletic as we get.  I had a couple buddies who thought it would be a good time to get back in shape, so they decide to get involved in a YMCA flag football league.  Three of those guys ended up in the hospital after 1 game.

Get with the program guys. Once you're out of high school the glory years of leading your team to 4A regional greatness are behind you.  You may play a little inter murals in college, and you may dominate because you weren't good enough to get a college scholarship but you're still better then most of the 5 foot nothing guys trying to play basketball for their fraternity team. Once college is over you better recognize that the older you get the less your body has the ability to recuperate. Either that you or you continue on the path of actually playing sport and we all know how that ends: single and bellied up to the bar every night, because men's rec league  insert sport you shouldn't be playing just got over with. I could go on, but let me tell you, for all of the suburban dads out there, and you know I'm talking to you: fantasy sports is where it's at, and fantasy football is the king of them all.

Whether its a PPR league, straight snake pick'em, or the more complicated auction league, get involved. Find some friends and create a league, or join a national one for free.  Every site offers it and most offer it for free.  ESPN.com, Yahoosports.com, NFL.com: They all offer free fantasy leagues for those that want to play.  If you're new to sports in general or the wife has stolen so much of your manliness that you feel like a castrated church eunuch, fantasy sports offers you the opportunity to take back that which was rightfully yours. It offers you the chance to watch as much football as you can stand, and have a vested interest in each game.  It provides you the opportunity to cheer during every game, regardless of whether or not its your team, because you'll have players on every team. Draft nights are another free chip you get to place in the guy box of going out, because babe, you have to. You can't miss draft night. And if you gamble. . . .well, you're head just might explode at all of the oppurtunities fantasy football offers. No more church on Sunday mornings because you have to set your team before the games start at noon and you have research left to do. No more yard work on Sunday afternoon's, because your favorite team is playing, and every team is now your favorite team.

I'm the Thecarpetmunchers, Chieffantasykillers, and Chieftouchdownher. If you go check out my yahoo profile, its lined with imaginary trophies of third, second and first place imaginary tournament, regular season and playoff wins. I shit talk every week. I take names every game.  And this season, each of my teams opened up week 1 with a win. I can't hurt myself, and the wife thinks I'm making friends. It gives me a chance to see all the guys I never get to see, and a chance to show them them I'm still the best even though all my muscles and strength are gone. If you're not real familiar with fantasy sports and this didn't help, check out two things. 1) the video below. Nobody likes Hitler, but every time you put subtitles to it, its funny. fantasy sports is no exception and it shows how great and frustrating it can be. 2) watch the league on FX. It's great.  An entire show that revolves around 5 childhood friends who can still hang out and watch sports even if they can't play them anymore. It only has about 10 episodes each season, but it is absolutely one of the best shows on television.  See my t.v. list ,cause you know it made the list.

Running Because I Want To, Or Because I Have To?

You know what I'm doing after i get off work tonight? Going to the bar to watch the NFL game between the Packers and Bears? No. Going home to watch the NFL game while Thing 1 and Thing 2 pounce all over me because they haven't seen "Daddy" all day long? No. No, tonight i get to go to the gym. Why? Because I'm fat. Why else would i go to the gym? Now, I'm not morbidly obese, and i even lost 25 pounds in the last three months, to get back close to my college playing weight,  but you have to keep it off.  These new britches i got won't keep themselves sewed on by their lonesomes. I have to keep putting the work in. The only way i know how to keep the weight off is to either stop eating, and we know that's not going to happen (did i mention i had El Patio for lunch), or get my butt into the gym as much as possible.  For me that's Tuesday on my day off, Wednesday or Thursday night, Sunday morning and then usually one other time.  I try to get to the gym at least 4 times a week, for at least an hour to an hour and a half each time depending on what I'm doing.

When i go though, i go to a real gym.  The nasty, sweaty, meat smell filled, kind of gym. Where the women aren't allowed in except for the fact that it's now mandated by law. Where half the lights work and the water fountains taste like iron.  Where they don't have any fancy machines, and the only guys who work out there legs are the ones who are missing their arms: because they were ripped off from lifting to much weight. Where green's and blue's are dispensed from candy machines like skittles. Where if you're lucky, really lucky, there might be running water in showers, but you know its cold in the winter and hot in the summer. I go to a gym, not a spa. Not a club. Not a fitness center. I got to the school of hard knox.

Shit, who am I kidding.  I go to the YMCA, and i go looking for tits and ass.  I live in the burbs.  My wife doesn't let me have nudie mags, and with the exception of Skinemax, the Y's all i got. I'm not big, I'm not strong, and the YMCA is the perfect place to make sure i stay that way.  Lift a few weights, walk around.  Jog on a  treadmill, walk around. I have a routine to uphold. But the wife, the wife is messing with my routine. So the wife's gotten into "running" in the last few years.  At first i thought it was just a health fad.  Although she didn't need to, she wanted to lose a few lb's and running seemed like a good way to do it. She also enjoys going to the gym and if it makes her happy, more power to her. She doesn't have a lot of hobby's, none to be exact, so running is kind of a health/hobby/fitness/social kind of thing for her.  She's made some new friends, it's gotten her out of the house, and she's seems to be happier now then before. She's ran several 10k's, a few half-marathons, and is now training for a full marathon at the end of the year in Las Vegas. Good for her. As long as it doesn't interfere with my routine, we're all good.

Yet, like everything else, its now messing with my routine. This is my "stare at chicks because its kind of appropriate at the gym" time, not my work time. I ran cross country and wrestled in high school and have done enough running to last me a life time. But no, now I'm entered in this race in December also; a half marathon for me. Do you know how far that is? I can get to work and back and not drive that far let alone run. I'm on a daily 12 week schedule now.  As if i didn't already have enough routine in my life. I have a headband and armband and "running" shoes. I look like i walked out of a Dick's Sporting Goods photo shoot for weak ass regular people? Maybe it gets me in better shape, maybe i lose some more weight. Maybe i die. I'm 3 days into this training and its killing me. . . .literally feel like i haven't eaten or slept in weeks. . . wish me luck. . . .the Y's calling my name now.

I Love My 55" Rectangular Box

So let me first start off by saying that yesterday evening went rather well.  Hadn't seen the North Rock Road Poker Posse in several months due to a variety of things which included, but was not limited to, the emasculating notion of dad parent of gymnastics and dance. However, just as i knew it would be, it was just like riding a bike. Same guys, same stories, same outcome. Daddy took second, gave the extra cash to mommy, and now its Wednesday. Hump day. Movement day of the week.  If i wasn't in retail, and didn't regularly have to work Saturdays, we'd be 2 days from the weekend. Since i do, and usually have to, my week's a little bit longer, but its still hump day anyway. Since this is my first hump post on a Wednesday, and Wednesdays focus is supposed to be entertainment (TV, movies, musicians, etc.) i thought i would focus on the wonderful rectangular box that sits in 4 different places in my home and brings me more enjoyment each week then my kids do.

I love television.  All suburban dads do.  Its our outlet.  It may be our only outlet, and one of the last vestiges of choice we have left. Like I've said before, each day and what I'm doing with each hour within that day, has already been systematically selected for me by the pre-cogs (the decider's of the suburban lifestyle). Yet, there is a 3 hour window from 9pm until 12am, 5 days a week (Sunday through Thursday), that is all mine. Its the time between when i finally get the rug rats to settle down and get to bed, and when i finally decide I've had enough and try and get some sleep myself.  I could try and go bed early, maybe get a little somethin' somethin' from the wife, but last week's episode of True Blood is still on the dvr, and it will have more t&a in it then my bed will each night. No Sponge Bob, Gravity Falls or Shake It Up. No Oprah re-runs or Project Runway.  This is my time. Its just me, the basement, and my 55" LED big screen.

I'm not sure who exactly invented the DVR, but if its anyone besides a suburban guy like me did, then its a conspiracy.  I can't build a tv or a dvr, i don't know how the technology works, I'm not even sure where tv comes from or if its even real (ever seen a television factory or plant? me neither, because i don't think they exist, because tv's aren't even real, but that's another story altogether) but i know, in my heart of hearts, that it was created for me.  Specifically for me.  I can burn through up to 6 hours of tv each night in my 3 hours of solace and not miss a beat. In those three hours I'm a professional wrestler, cook, spy, and cop. I'm a blood sucking, bad guy nabbing, pawn star selling machine. My basement gets transformed into a bar badly in need of a makeover, a prison cell where the bad guys don't want to be, and the arena for which my favorites sports teams play. I know there are lot's of people out there who watch a lot of television, and some people who watch to much television. I, however, watch the most television.  Some programs because i love them.  Some because i can't let go of them. Some because i have to much time already invested in them, and i have to see them through until the end. For the most part though its because i love them. All of them. Without further ado, what i watch and what day its on. Some are on now, some will be coming this fall, some are only mid-season replacemtns. I've even left out all the re-runs and movies that clog my space, but you'll get the point. (all are favorites, but super, super favorites are in bold and are must see's)

Sundays: Boardwalk Empire, Dexter, The Walking Dead, 666 Park Avenue, Treme, True Blood, Hell on Wheels, Iron Chef, Sunday Night Football, WWE Raw, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, bar Rescue, The Great Food Truck Race, Episodes, and The Newsroom

Mondays: How I met Your Mother, 2 Broke Girls, Revolution, MFN, Perception, No Reservations, Bizarre Foods, and Wharehouse 13

Tuesday: Raising Hope, Go On, Happy endings, The New Normal, New Girl, Don't Trust The B_ _ _ In Apt. 23, Sons Of Anarchy, Vegas, The Mindy Project, Face Off, Covert Affairs, White Collar, Bar Rescue, and Deadliest Catch

Wednesdays: Arrow, Animal Practice, Guys With Kids, the Neighbors, Criminal Minds, Law and Order SVU, Modern Family, CSI, Suburgatory, Restaurant Impossible, Toy Hunter, and Top Chef

Thursdays: 30 Rock, The Big Bang Theory, Up All Night, The Office, Parks And Recreation, Glee, Impact Wrestling, Wilfred, Louie, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, and The League

Friday:   Last Man Standing, Blue Bloods, Whitney, Community, Grimm, WWE Smackdown, Yukon Men, and Bering Sea Gold

Saturday: SNL, Sports, Sports, and Sports

The worst part is that I am leaving things out.  This list doesn't even include all of the food shows, pawn and storage shows, hunting and survivor shows, addiction shows, or the miscellaneous stuff i watch. It takes a strong will, careful planning, and an acute sense of time and responsibility to get this much tv in.  You have to know when they come on, when they are new or repeats; which shows you have to dvr now and which can be dvr'd on a different day or at a different time because they come on more then once a week. I can tell you everything there is to know about each show, each episode and where it's going. Some guys know engines, some girls know designers: i know shows. All of them. Sick yes, twisted, certainly.  But you have to marvel at it just a little bit.  When you don't live in NY or LA, you have to live through them. Just me and my big rectangular box; til death do us part. I could go to the gym, i could build model airplanes, i could work on my hook shot; but for what? It's my 3 hours of solace from the world, and I'll spend it how i choose.  I choose fat and happy with the soft glow of my 55" LED television in front of me.

When the Burb grabs a hold of you and hold'em

So I know Tuesday's are supposed to be get deep day, but I'm not sure I've got it in me today. It's my day off, which should give me plenty of time for reflection, but when you live in the burbs, sometimes the burbs can get ya. It's the routine. Sometimes breaking the routine is the hardest part. I can tell you exactly what I was going to do today before the day even started. Wake up with a 4 year old directly in my face while a 7 year old yells in the background about how unair her life is. Put my eyeballs in and head to the gym to get a little workout in while I stare at women I'll never date and men I'll never look like. Then it's back hope to wash my balls before heading out to a nice lunch at one of three places: Subway, City Bites, or Jason's Deli (the youngest refuses to eat anything but sandwhiches on Tuesdays). After lunch it's off to grocery shop for the week at Target. Burbanites don't shop at Walmart, and the women at Target are way hotter. After grocery shopping it's one of three things: yard work, catch up on dvr'd tv, or get to work on whatever dinner I'm putting together for the evening. Burbanite dads love to cook, not clean, and I'm no different. Every evening I get to cook I think I'm Bobby Flay on the grill or Daniel Baloud in the kitchen. I'm probably closer to Chef Boy R D, but hey, within my kitchen no one knows.

Then this is where it gets interesting. Tuesday is my night out. Out in the burbs, every night is accounted for. Wednesday is the wife's night out or yoga night. Wednesday's and Friday's are gymnastics for the girls. Saturday's is dance and tap. Monday's is meeting night for either the wife or I, when we have a meeting for anything related to college and the such. Weekends are reserved for the kids and hopefully one night together. Sunday night is catch up night. But Tuesday, Tuesday nights are my night. Guy night. Poker night. Beer night. Telling the same stories over and over again night. I've been out of the loop for a while, what with trips, work, kids, and summer stuff, but tonight, I'm getting back into the groove.

I play, when I can, in a weekly poker game. It's been a rotation of the same guys with a few new ones in here and there, but basically the same 10 to 15 guys, aged 25 to 65, getting together once a week to pretend that they are the second coming of no home Jerome himself Phil Ivey. It's a whopping $20 buy in each week, two to three money winners depending on how many show up, Texas hold'em tournament. It's our one. Night a week to forget about the kids and wives and live like kings. Some drink beer, some whiskey, some even sneak in that soda that their not supposed to have that's completely ok at poker night. We tell the same bad jokes each week, rag each other about our wives and jobs and play horrible hands of cards. None of us are very good, but we all think we are. For 10 minutes or 5 hours, we are the kings of ads depending on how well you play.

Like I said, I've been out of the loop for awhile, but tonight I return. Tonight I return to the game of kings. With pale ale in hand, sunglasses on my eyes, and headphones in my ears I return. I return to stake claim to the glory that is rightfully mine. To tell bad jokes, and to laugh at even worse ones. Whether I am in for two minutes or two hours, the Arab returns (we all have nicknames at poker and that's mine). For one night, for this one glorious night, the burbs will be Vegas and I will be Elvis.

No. 9 Please

So Monday's entries are going to be dedicated to food and drink.  What I've been eating and drinking around town. Whats new in the gourmet food seen here in the burbs and what the newest and latest fad and trends are in intoxicating bubbles.  Now, we were just talking about Zoobilee yesterday, and i could go on and on about the great food and even better beer's they had there.  I drank Tallgrass 8-Bit and Drifter Pale Ale until they ran out. I could talk about sitting at Buffalo Wild Wings yesterday for an hour before i even had the courage to shove a wing down my gullet for fear that it wouldn't stay there to long because of the amount of pure liquid barley and hops gold i consumed the night before. Either discussion, whether it be the unlimited amounts of microbrew drinks at Zoobilee or the pure ecstasy that can be a deep fried spicy garlic chicken wing, would warrant its own entire entry, but neither can compare with the pure unadulterated infatuation I have with Vietnamese food. Today was an example of that infatuation.

In Wichita, we have an unusually high number of extraordinary Asian and Hispanic restaurants. You have to get away from the Panda Express' and the On the Borders that dot every corner. You have to skip past the P.F. Changs and the Chipolte's and get out of your comfort zone to find the really good places, but their there if you want to look for them. You have to be ok with possibly being the only person in the place who speaks English. You have to be able to choose what you want to order by either number or by simply pointing at a picture because you don't speak the language. For a lot of people this might be intimidating.  For people used to having taco Tuesdays, and meatloaf Mondays, walking into your neighborhood pho' shop can be intimidating. For me though there's nothing better then a big bowl of noodles.

Pho Hein, Sit @ Thai, My Tho', Pho' Hot, Little Saigon, and the classic Saigon itself. You can't go wrong with any of these places and we went back to my tried and true favorite Saigon. Its not just the food though, its the experience. Everyone has their favorite place and everyone has their entry that they choose over and over again. No. 1, No. 49, No. 28. You talk to any person who regularly goes to one of these hidden gems and they can tell you exactly what that number represents. Me, I went for the number 9 today. Regular pho' with tendon, stripe, meatball and flank. Lot's of lime. Lot's of siracha. Lot's of sprouts, hosin, and chili's. i want it hot and i want it now. At Saigon it literally takes less then 5 minutes after you order your food before its served back to you. It's hot, salty, sweet, spicy and oh so good. Chopsticks in one hand and a spoon in another and i dig down deep and don't stop until the last drops done.  If need be, I'll take a straw or tip the bowl so that i get every last bit of that sweet nectar of the gods.

Am i supposed to love some soup and noodle dish I've never grown up with? I'm not sure that I am. Am I supposed to spur the norm and stay away from the places that are "supposed" to be good but aren't? Don't know.  What i know is whats good and these places are.  Sometimes its ok to not pay $20 for a single meal.  Sometimes its ok to drop $6 bucks on a big ol' bowl of soup. Get out of the cul-de-sac, find a hole in the wall where no one speaks your language and belly up to closest table you can. Point to the picture you want and enjoy the ride. If you're the only white guy in the place, you picked a good one.

Down Time Day: The Week In Review

So today is Sunday which means its "down time day" here at the Suburban Male. Since this is my first week of blogging, and my first Sunday blog post using the new daily format, we'll only recap the last couple of days, specifically last night. Once we get into the format a bit more we'll recap each week on Sunday night on a much larger scale. So without further ado, i give you Saturday night.

Last night was Zoobilee here in Wichita, Ks: the perfect example of an event that showcases exactly what it means to live in the Suburbs and the Midwest. To give you a little bit of background, Zoobilee is a large fundraising event put on by the Sedgwick County Zoo each year to raise money on for the zoo. They have all of the best restaurant's in Wichita there with food samples of all the different delicacies they've come up with.  All of the local liqueur and beer distributors are there, so that we can each get our fill of cold bud light and taste the very latest in marshmellow vodka shots.  There's a silent auction, and a live auction where they auction off the rights to name the next baby goat or chimp or whatever's just been born or is getting ready to be born. And its all you can eat, and and all you can drink. Boy do people around here like to eat and drink.  I know people drink and eat everywhere, but by the time this events over, its the people who are still there that smell like the Zoo should. I bet the animals get a kick out of it each year when drunk "Doug" finally calls it quits for the night and stumbles out the Zoo smelling like butt, booze, and loosely packed meatballs from Gino's sub shop.

Anyway. I've been to a lot of zoo's around the country, and I would put our zoo up against anyone.  It really is the gem of the Midwest, but it also takes an enormous amount of money to run it each year, and without private donations and events like Zoobilee, it wouldn't be able to survive and prosper the way it does now. I've been going to ZoobiIee every year for the last 4 or 5 years though because that's what we do. At least it seems like that's what we're expected to do.  We fork over a huge amount of money each year to feel like were giving back to our community. What we're really trying to do is establish that we're part of the "It"  crowd. Spending a hundred bucks on a ticket makes us feel like we have a million bucks in the bank.  Like we're on the same playing field as the guy with the Benz, even though we pulled up in the Dodge Caravan with the kid throw up on the back seat. And it gets bigger every year.

Like I said, its a hundred bucks a ticket, and $125 if you wait to long to get your ticket; you would think that the price of the ticket alone would deter those of us with less then equitable disposable income, but it doesn't.  The event gets bigger and bigger each year and we just fork over the cash like we're lining up to feed the collection plate at church. And boy do people show up.  We got there early this year, or at least we thought it was early, and there must have been 400 people already in line, ticket in hand to get their free food and drink on for the night. And once you're in the gate, every one's an equal. Me and the guy who showed up in a limo are the same.  And on this night, we probably are both wearing the same Ed Hardy t-shirt we both paid to much for. He because he has the money and he thinks its cool, me because I don't have the money and know its not cool, but I buy it anyway because I know the rich guy who lives in the gated community will have one on, so I want one to.

Its a night where every guy feels ok to take his wife, because we know in the back of our mind, that if we shell out two hundred bucks and tell her she can get all gussied up, we got a pretty good shot at getting laid that night, and out in the burbs, you go after that once a month lay as often as you can because that increases the possibility that you may just get laid twice that month cause its Zoobilee time! For one night you can leave the kids with the local sitter, who's probably watching every other kid on the block at the same time. You over pay for the sitter, and you know she's going to video tape you when you get back and then post it on Youtube, because God knows you'll be shitty when you get home and wont be able to hide it.

Look, I'm not sure where all this is going but i know this: i shelled out two hundred bucks. I put on my Affliction t-shirt. I put my wife in the minivan and took her out to Zoobilee with everyone else in Wichita. I ate to many hot wings. I drank to many Bud Lights. I had her drive home because there's no way i could, even though i was supposed to be taking her out. Then I passed out before getting laid because that's how i roll. She had a good time and didn't even have to put out. The babysitter didn't post anything I said or did on Youtube, and the next morning i woke up with a splitting headache before bellying up at my local Buffalo Wild Wings to watch my beloved KC Chiefs get theirs butts kicked on the opening day of the NFL season because that's just how i roll.  Just another day in the life. . .

So after spending most of my free time yesterday trying to integrate all of my different social media outlets, I've come to the conclusion that it just can't be done. Without hiring a tech geek to do it for me, for which i don't have the money or time to do, I'll just have to do it the old fashion way of cut and paste when i think i need it. The Google+ looks promising though, and I received quite a bit of feedback from some good friends on the first new blog post, so i think I'll give it a go for a while. Like i said before, i imagine the first set of blog posts might be nothing more then rants and raves on a variety of different topics, but after a while i think I'll probably fall into a nice groove. I still plan on this being a daily blog which will take some work and dedication, but in the end i think it will really pay off. I was already thinking of the following topic timeline, so let me know what you think:

Mondays: Food and Drink Since the weekend is the only time for us suburbanites to eat out, this would be a good day to recap what we ate, drank, like, and didn't like. I'm a foodie and a beer snob, and although my opinion on most things don't matter, i have a good nose and stomach for all things edible and drinkable. I like to share and maybe it can help some local businesses out.

Tuesdays: The World Around Me Tuesday is my day off from my "it pays the bills job" so that would be a good day to get deep. Politics, philosophy, the environment. Big issues. Big ideas. Big posts on Tuesdays.

Wednesdays: Entertainment and the Stars Movies, television, celebs, music, gossip, the stars.  These are the people we wish we all were and thought we'd be so what better day to daydream and talk about them then on hump day.  Its the day we all look out our windows at our jobs (assuming we have one, if not then the bathroom wall while doing 10:00am business) and wonder what if or why not me. I can act, i can sing, i could be Brad Pitt if i wanted to. Yeah right.

Thursdays: Free Day Kids have them, adults should have them, and i definitely need one. Whatever comes to mind, this might be the most free flowing of blogs i post each week.  Sometimes it will make sense, most days it won't, but every Thursday look for something new and different.

Fridays: Sports and More Sports This would be dedicated to sports topics in anticipation of the weekend. Suburban men like to bet; especially since we either can't physically play anymore or time constraint/wives/jobs prevent us from doing so. Because of that, Friday will be the day to talk sports, games that have happened and games coming up.  Specifically we will talk Wichita State, KU and KSU when needed, Chiefs, Royals, and Lakers.

Saturdays: Rants and Raves So you've had a long week, and you need to blow off some steam.  You see and interact with the world around you and sometimes you just don't get it. Prior to cooling off on Sunday, some days are needed to just get things off you chest. Saturday is rant and rave day at the Suburban Male

Sundays: Down Time Day This day's topic would always revolve around re-capping the weeks events, looking at how those events involve the Suburban male and how the Suburban male has dealt with the mysterious and wondrous world around him.

So i guess thats that. we'll officially get started on Monday, so look for changes to the wall and tweaks to the page between now and then but we're off. I hope to see you around.  Make comments when you can.  Let me know what its like to be you and we'll get through this road of life together. . . even if that road is a cul-de-sac in the middle of America.

The intergration of all of these social media outlets is simply amazing: Google, google+, twitter, adsense, youtube, facebook, blogspot.. .The list can go on and on. If you know how to use a computer, and have the time and want to to put the effort forth, there's no limit to how you can express yourselves these days. But is there to much ability to get ones own word out there? Does the general public need to know everything i'm doing or even care to know? I doubt it. If the next few weeks, i think we are going to really try and narrow the focus of what this blog will be about. I think we are really going to try and narrow it down to what i'm interested in as a typical suburban man, and what i think other like minded suburbanites would be interested in as well.

Checking to see if the new mobile application for the blogspot is up and ready to go. This is the suburban male reporting live from work: central command station 2!

wow its been over a year since my last blog post and nothing really has changed. still a father and husband. still raising two beautiful girls and still doing the land locked, suburban thing. its a repetitive cycle thats hard to get out of. It's the same thing over and over again, same events, same people, same outcomes. Summer is winding down which means i"ve already had my yearly fishing trip. Went to Vegs for a bachelor party. Had three fantasy football drafts, because thats what we do in the burbs, and am now waiting for regular season college and NFL football to get into full swing so i can donk away what little expendable income i have on worthless football bets, made to try and enhance the viewing excitment i get on my 3 hours off each week to watch football on Sundays. Yeah, not in a real good mood the last few days. The jobs the same. No ups or downs just a straight line to no where. I wrote a "Jerry McGuire" esque manifesto the other day on a road trp back while the wife was driving, but i'm not sure if i can hand it to the od man or not. Look, the job isn't tough, but its going nowhere and the longer i stay, the less interested i get in it. Like i've said before, i just thought there was so much more i could be be doing? now my spare time is speant reading books and making lists of what it is i really want to be when i grow up and i'm already 35? when does adult hood take place. Living in the burbs you get stuck in a rut and its impossible to get out of.