So today is Sunday which means its "down time day" here at the Suburban Male. Since this is my first week of blogging, and my first Sunday blog post using the new daily format, we'll only recap the last couple of days, specifically last night. Once we get into the format a bit more we'll recap each week on Sunday night on a much larger scale. So without further ado, i give you Saturday night.
Last night was Zoobilee here in Wichita, Ks: the perfect example of an event that showcases exactly what it means to live in the Suburbs and the Midwest. To give you a little bit of background, Zoobilee is a large fundraising event put on by the Sedgwick County Zoo each year to raise money on for the zoo. They have all of the best restaurant's in Wichita there with food samples of all the different delicacies they've come up with. All of the local liqueur and beer distributors are there, so that we can each get our fill of cold bud light and taste the very latest in marshmellow vodka shots. There's a silent auction, and a live auction where they auction off the rights to name the next baby goat or chimp or whatever's just been born or is getting ready to be born. And its all you can eat, and and all you can drink. Boy do people around here like to eat and drink. I know people drink and eat everywhere, but by the time this events over, its the people who are still there that smell like the Zoo should. I bet the animals get a kick out of it each year when drunk "Doug" finally calls it quits for the night and stumbles out the Zoo smelling like butt, booze, and loosely packed meatballs from Gino's sub shop.
Anyway. I've been to a lot of zoo's around the country, and I would put our zoo up against anyone. It really is the gem of the Midwest, but it also takes an enormous amount of money to run it each year, and without private donations and events like Zoobilee, it wouldn't be able to survive and prosper the way it does now. I've been going to ZoobiIee every year for the last 4 or 5 years though because that's what we do. At least it seems like that's what we're expected to do. We fork over a huge amount of money each year to feel like were giving back to our community. What we're really trying to do is establish that we're part of the "It" crowd. Spending a hundred bucks on a ticket makes us feel like we have a million bucks in the bank. Like we're on the same playing field as the guy with the Benz, even though we pulled up in the Dodge Caravan with the kid throw up on the back seat. And it gets bigger every year.
Like I said, its a hundred bucks a ticket, and $125 if you wait to long to get your ticket; you would think that the price of the ticket alone would deter those of us with less then equitable disposable income, but it doesn't. The event gets bigger and bigger each year and we just fork over the cash like we're lining up to feed the collection plate at church. And boy do people show up. We got there early this year, or at least we thought it was early, and there must have been 400 people already in line, ticket in hand to get their free food and drink on for the night. And once you're in the gate, every one's an equal. Me and the guy who showed up in a limo are the same. And on this night, we probably are both wearing the same Ed Hardy t-shirt we both paid to much for. He because he has the money and he thinks its cool, me because I don't have the money and know its not cool, but I buy it anyway because I know the rich guy who lives in the gated community will have one on, so I want one to.
Its a night where every guy feels ok to take his wife, because we know in the back of our mind, that if we shell out two hundred bucks and tell her she can get all gussied up, we got a pretty good shot at getting laid that night, and out in the burbs, you go after that once a month lay as often as you can because that increases the possibility that you may just get laid twice that month cause its Zoobilee time! For one night you can leave the kids with the local sitter, who's probably watching every other kid on the block at the same time. You over pay for the sitter, and you know she's going to video tape you when you get back and then post it on Youtube, because God knows you'll be shitty when you get home and wont be able to hide it.
Look, I'm not sure where all this is going but i know this: i shelled out two hundred bucks. I put on my Affliction t-shirt. I put my wife in the minivan and took her out to Zoobilee with everyone else in Wichita. I ate to many hot wings. I drank to many Bud Lights. I had her drive home because there's no way i could, even though i was supposed to be taking her out. Then I passed out before getting laid because that's how i roll. She had a good time and didn't even have to put out. The babysitter didn't post anything I said or did on Youtube, and the next morning i woke up with a splitting headache before bellying up at my local Buffalo Wild Wings to watch my beloved KC Chiefs get theirs butts kicked on the opening day of the NFL season because that's just how i roll. Just another day in the life. . .
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